Once you retire, your family increasingly becomes the center of your life. By this time, your children have become adults, and have families of their own. Your children include your own and the in-laws (we do not call them in-laws in our culture. They are our sons and daughters). Your children are now the ones taking care of you, and your grandchildren keep your spirit young and mind excited. Friends and extended family members, in the country and in diaspora, keep tabs on us through phone calls and texts.
The joy that we experience when friends and family face-time and share special moments or as grandkids eagerly share their new talents cannot be fully expressed. The rapid transformation of life is overwhelming – one day, a child is born, the next, we are attending their weddings, and they have several kids of their own running around. Before the excitement can die down, the new family additions are graduating high school and heading to college.
We should appreciate the technology that allows us to capture these moments, like face time. Even with our families growing up in faraway lands, we remain a part of their lives. The technology features create a home away from home, yet we yearn for the hugs and kisses they offer when they visit. Distance is no longer a hindrance to our ability to encourage and empower our children by sharing our knowledge and experiences.
There are times our generation Z grandkids will consider our thoughts as old as fossils, as they have become so accustomed to technology, which has overridden their need for physical human contact. As grandparents, we are trying to connect with them in their gadget world, and more often than not, we will call, but they will opt to text. We will offer them ngwaci (sweet potato) and hot Kenyan tea – our version of a treat for visitors – but the diaspora kids will ask for candy, fruits, and chips.
As we get to our ’70s, relationships become complicated as roles are reversed. Gradually, you begin to relinquish power, which we commonly say in Swahili: “Kuachia watoto wakusaidie.” For instance, allow me to put this in Swahili for emphasis: “Unaweza kuwa huoni vizuri, kwa hivyo huezi endesha gari vizuri, inabidi uulize watoto wakupeleke mahali unataka.” Your grown-up children are now the ones asking you to finish your food before it gets cold, or walk and exercise to maintain your health.
Ironically, it is at this stage that your children think they know more than you do, and you are forced to watch them make the same mistakes you did. However, you choose to keep quiet because they believe they “know it all.” Sitting there, you reflect on the days when you used to hold them in your arms, but now all you can do is offer advice, hoping they actually take it.
Parenting in the global village is marginally different from our own past experiences, where we only followed instructions given without questions. The current generation will question you and tell you “tunajua tunachofanya (we know what we are doing).” As we grew up, technology and resources were limited, and our parents were our source of stories. They shared their experiences, which involved stories about war, independence, culture, and family histories. During the Mau Mau war, travel was restricted, and the environment was not favorable for families to visit each other. During this time, the families had restricted travel, requiring a pass to travel. It was law during that time that families visited needed permission from officials to receive visitors. They told stories about the sacrifices our loved ones made and families that never returned home after the war.
Communication with family members in the diaspora relies on sharing our lives’ progress using available technology in the absence of physical interaction. This experience helps alleviate missing loved ones. Children in the diaspora often miss out on the experiences of spending time with their great grandparents, grandparents, aunties, and uncles. Admittedly, Face-time has helped ease this separation.
In our time, birthdays were marked by events, not exact dates. My mother would often tell me, “You were born before World War II when cassava was the only food available as the world was dealing with hunger. Your parents disappeared when you were a small child during the Mau Mau war and reappeared several years later to continue the family all over again”.
In old age, you look at your worn-out body and imagine it is a desert, with your mind as an oasis where you let everyone drink from. This is how we should be with our grandkids. Let them hear about your ups and downs, fears, and strengths. Close the cultural gap by using your gathered wisdom and understanding of life.
A LITTLE BIT ABOUT US
Geoffrey and Grace are a blend of the boomer and the silent generations, respectively, that followed instructions without question. They love talking about their life and experiences with the hope that it will help others build their faith in God through the Bible and in the marketplace.
Geoffrey worked with the municipal government in Kenya, now known as the county government, while preaching as an elder of the church. When he retired, he continued working in the church as an ordained pastor. In the thirty-five years, he worked in the government and church. Geoffrey interacted with many people while serving church members and their families. He is a father, grandfather, and father-in-law. He lost a spouse and was a widower for eleven years, and he found a new love in Grace, and he remarried. After living in Kenya for most of his life, he now travels back and forth between the USA and Kenya.
Grace is a mother of five children and a grandmother of seven. She worked in high schools as a culinary manager after working as a babysitter from an early age. She served the church under her late husband for over 41 years. Later she assumed church responsibilities, becoming an ordained pastor. She started primary school at the age of seventeen, earned a dual degree in sociology and psychology at age 57, then completed her Master’s degree in biblical studies at age 73.
After 40+ years of marriage, Grace lost her spouse and was a widow for seven years before finding new love. She took a leap of faith marrying Geoffrey, and together they have celebrated more than one year of marriage. Geoffrey and Grace have an immediate blended family of fifty-five members. Through sharing their life experiences and how their faith in God has shaped their lives, they desire to inspire young families and offer solutions to close the cultural gap between the generations in the family.