Grace: Issues in My Family

Alcoholism has ravaged three generations in my family. My parents made and sold beer, maiyīki, to earn extra income. It seemed like their focus was on the short term benefits of earning extra income, not on the long term effects on the family, neighborhood, community, and society.

I recall one type of beer gatogo incident involving my mother and her friends. They got drunk on gatogo (potent alcohol made of the vapor produced when fermenting beer) and lost their ability to perform a simple task – crossing the river safely. What started as a way to make extra income took a life of its own and ravaged through the future, and our family included and not spared. I observed the effects of alcohol destroy my family; I find that there was a reason the angel of the Lord told Samson’s mother to refrain from wine and fermented things during her pregnancy to have a strong son-Samson to fight the Philistines (Judges 13:3-5). 

One Sunday, serving as an elder of the church in Presbyterian Church of East Africa (PCEA) with two others, we prepared the Holy Communion for the congregation. We diluted the wine to ensure that there would be enough for the members of the church. The Holy Communion preceded the leading service, and any wine that remained not stored for reuse in the future. The elders usually share it, with each person drinking a mouthful or two. One cup of wine used to serve the congregation, and each person sipped from the cup before passing it onto the next person. When the wine finished, have refilled until all the members partaking in the Holy Communion served. On that Sunday, the elders shared the leftover wine in the cup. I took two gulps, and I could feel my stomach churning soon after. I usually had this discomfort whenever I partook in the Communion wine.

As the primary service began, I could feel my body becoming weak. I thought I was coming down with some sickness. I could barely hold my hymn book, let alone turn to the right page of the hymn book as we sang. I could scarcely stand, but I did my best to stay on my feet. The Presbyterian Church of East Africa (PCEA) elders usually sit with the pastor at the altar, and I was visible to the rest of the congregation. The feeling began subsiding, and I finally caught up with the service several minutes later.

I kept wondering what was wrong with me until I remembered that I had consumed wine. I later concluded that I became drunk since I had no idea what people felt when they were drunk. In the church where I minister, I use grape juice packaged in small Holy Communion cup kits made explicitly for churches. Using grape juice in Holy Communion helps in caring for those on alcohol treatment or people practicing sobriety to not relapse from sipping the alter wine.

One day, we were visiting our friend’s mansion in Kenya. The dinner ready and about to eat, and the cutlery on a massive table in a different room. Suddenly, teenagers present in the house began breaking the dishes on the table. They would pick up a bunch of plates and smash them against the floor. The homeowner, a father of some of the teenagers, rushed into the room to stop them. He slapped them, but they kept on laughing as if they thought he was playing around with them. The kids had drunk the visitors’ alcohol. They jocked in a room until they had sobered up and calmed down. The parents later discovered that the family cook, a man, had bought the kids beer. That was the moment the parents learned that their kids consumed alcohol. The incident was a valuable lesson for me, as I learned to keep a close eye on the people living in my house who were not my children. 

I took a course on alcohol and beverages, where I learned that while alcohol is a legal drug, it is harmful to major body organs such as the liver, heart, kidneys, etc. One of my close relatives failed to drink, as was his norm, and became sick. We took him to the hospital, but the doctor told us that they couldn’t administer the IV fluid because his veins had collapsed. He couldn’t eat or drink, and all the hospital could do was observe him until he died a week later. The relative was a happy, friendly, and hard-working person, but he had more than five kids, none of whom taken to school. He earned very little money from his job, and he used the short he made to buy drinks at the end of the day. He was incredibly generous to the people he drank with and would spend more than what earned, and he would accumulate massive debts even before the month ended.

Coping with alcoholism in the family

I have watched my family struggle with alcoholism, and I believe that the damage caused by one person’s alcoholism permeates far and wide. A family may benefit from understanding that a loved one is helpless and unable to help themselves from plagued by the need to drink. Alcoholics branded with several names, including addicts, drunkard, lost, losers, hopeless, stupid (mūrīu, kanabū, nīwanjoni, nīwachang’ a, nīmūrebi), etc. 

If we understood that our family member is sick, we would stop calling them names and instead relate to them with love, compassion, and empathy. We would fight to get them help from a qualified institution, including accompanying them to the hospital to get them the help they need. They are victims of their addiction, and it is no different from those taking more problematic drugs. Alcoholics are stigmatized in the family, neighborhood, workplace, health facilities, and public arenas while they don’t have the solution to their problem. They are sick and need all the support that we can muster to help them get the help they require.

I experienced the difference between stigmatizing and offering love and support when staying in the hospital with a family member. I was in the hospital room with the sick person when my late spouse was ill and would remain in the hospital room with him. And when I was not there, another member of the family was present. I learned many things about helping him as he waited for his last moments—doing small things like grooming, massaging, playing music, eating together, reading something, or anything that makes you feel in love. 

A sick person drains a lot of energy from the other family members, and when the healing comes, the whole family healed. We can see the concern and love that Mary and Martha had for their sick brother, Lazarus. They stayed with him and sent messages to Jesus to come and heal him. The three siblings were restored to wholeness when Jesus resurrected Lazarus. The joy is shared by neighbors and friends far and near (John 11:1-44). The family needs to stay with the alcoholic when they realize there is a problem without assuming that things will go back to normal naturally. Call for help as Mary and Martha did for their sick sibling and stay with them, showing your love, concern, and empathy.

Helpful literature to read: 

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4040491/ accessed October 13, 2020, internet.

https://www.drugfreeworld.org/drugfacts/alcohol/short-term-long-term-effects.html, accessed October 11, 2020, from the internet.